This Is Our Lives

I've lived in a variety of houses and flats  during my life time, in a variety of towns and cities, all varying in size and decorating styles. But, the one thing that they've all had in common was that they were home. So how come that where ever I find myself, what ever the circumstances that find me there and structure of the building I'm living in, I feel at home. The answer is simple, for me home is not about the material possessions around me or the building which I live in, my home is made by those I care about and who care about me.

It is my family, my husband and my son who make my home today. Before that my parents and brothers and sisters, It is them who care enough about me to try and ensure that I feel safe and happy and want to come home. It is them who accept me as I am without criticism or expecting me to change. My family don't judge me, they don't consider how I look, what I own or how much money I have. They do care about sharing my life, the good times and the bad, about sharing memories.

To me home is not a house constructed of bricks and mortar, it's somewhere that I can feel safe and relax away from the pressures of the world. Yes, sometimes I wish for a plusher, more contemporary house, but that would not make it any more a home than what I currently have. For me the old saying is true, home is where the heart is.

It's really difficult to plan somebody's funeral when you don't know what they wanted. I'd asked Auntie Vera on several occasions if she had any particular wishes, but other than saying that she wanted to drive through the village and visit her old haunts, she wasn't vert forthcoming.

In the end, Eric and I decided that we wouldn't have hymms as we both hate going to funerals where the only person singing is the Vicar. I spent hours listening to recorded music that I thought that Auntie Vera would have liked and which seemed to fit the mood of the service we wanted, a theme of her going home rather than of loss. I also spent hours trying to write a eulogy that I could deliver as I hate going to funerals where the Vicar talks about somebody he'd never met.

I hope that I got the mood and feeling right. I'm told I did.

It's strange how looking at photographs unlocks memories and helps to clarify situations in your mind. The day that Carl married Vanessa was such a mixture of emotions. It was a beautiful day and a lovely wedding. Vanessa had planned a day that was slightly unconventional, but very much reflected both hers and Carl's personalities. I can remember that Eric was really happy that Carl had found somebody that he loved and seemed to have found a place in life where he was happy and comfortable.

But, at the time we didn't know about Carl's colitis or his depression and the difficulties that it was causing him. As enjoyable as the wedding itself was, even on the day there was a difficult situation when Eric's friend and his wife who had been invited to the day, disappeared as we entered the church, not to be seen again. During the reception, Eric phoned to see what had happened to them only to be told that Bill had decided that he no longer wanted to be his friend, nothing had happened to trigger this, it merely came out of the blue. Looking back this was indicative of the day, nothing was as it appeared on the surface. Sadly, Carl's marriage lasted less than a year. We learned later that even before the marriage he and Vanessa were having difficulties as he felt that his depression was dragging her down.

Nearly seven years on, Carl will soon remarry. He seems more content than for a long time and unlike Vanessa, Joss has seen Carl at his lowest as well as at his best. All we ever want for our children is for them to be happy and I know that Eric really hopes that this time Carl will find lasting happiness and a life style that he can cope with.