I never really knew Eric's mum although she didn't die until April last year, nearly twenty years after Eric and I met. Ashleigh never met his Grandmother and that's something I really regret, although Ashleigh is quite philosophical merely saying that he's not sure that he'd have wanted to meet someone who dismissed his existence because of her difficulties with his father. The sad thing is, that at her funeral, I learned that she'd just agreed to meet Ashleigh but Eric's cousin hadn't told us, thinking he'd let us know the next time he saw us.I never really understood the rift between Eric and his mum. Eric never really understood it either. He always told me that his mum had shut him out of her life when she learned after Eric's dad, from whom she was divorced, that Eric and his first wife had separated. Eric tells me that he tried on several occasions to mend the rift, but his mum would have none of it. I always thought that Eric had misunderstood things, but a few weeks ago, his cousin Janet who was very close to his mum, told me that Eric's understanding was correct and that she'd spent years trying to make his mum see that Eric hadn't done anything wrong.
Eric, like Ashleigh, is quite philosophical. He always tells me that he grew up believing that both his mum and dad resented his existence and I have to say, that his dad did treat him in a very off hand and dismissive manner, belittling anything he did. Eric and I wanted to get married quietly and did consider marrying without telling anyone, but in the end we did tell a few people, including Eric's dad. In many ways I wish we hadn't because it reinforced Eric's sense of abandonment by his parents. On the morning we got married, Eric's dad phoned to say that he would attend our wedding but that he might need to leave part way through the ceremony as he had the opportunity to go and view a car that he might want to buy. In the event, he did stay for the whole ceremony but left immediately it finished. Despite this, I really do think that Eric's dad did have an affection for him. Fatherly love? Maybe not, but, I do think that in the last few hours of his dad's life, Eric and him found an understanding and a sense of acceptance. Nothing was said, but Eric said it was there,a tangible feeling. Sadly, there was no such reconciliation with his mum.
